Hand in my pocket

aka "a random long bullet type post because I can't seem to stick to one subject"

Bullet 1:
I could count on one hand how many times I've been out "on the town" without the baby and B. I miss going out with my friends but at the same time, I don't want to leave the baby. It is such an odd thing. In the beginning the thought of not going out freaked me out. In the first couple of weeks, especially when B went back to work, I would feel a meltdown coming and knew that I had to leave for a little bit. Thank goodness for family-friendly neighbors and the fact that my parents are minutes away. But now, I'll get torn equally. I know I need to get out, but I think I can live without hanging out with my friends outside the apartment. But then I'll go out and almost everytime have a GREAT time doing the simplest things like have dinner or drinks. Like my body is super thirsty but is so used to not drinking so I don't know what I'm missiing. Going out is like drinking a cool glass of water - I forgot how good it was and how I miss and need it!

Bullet 2:
I think I'm spreading myself too thin on the web. Is the fact that I'm even thinking about this a sign that I need to step away from this computer? I now have a multiply account because most of my Philippine based friends and relatives are on it. I've been cross posting there. Of course there's always been Flickr. I have a livejournal but really just go there to see who's updating but I don't post anymore. And now, a new addiction - Shelfari. Damn you Nicole! I was very resistant at first. I was like, what? Another frickin' myspace wannabe? No frickin way. But its so cool because it's focused on books. And you can have friends and groups and all sorts of discussions about books you've read and stuff. Haynaku dear, wala nang beer.

Bullet 3:
I go back to work soon. I'm not freaking out or hyperventilating like I was last month when I think about it. But I'm really sad about it! I'm not going to be with baby all the time anymore:(

I'm not quite as nervous about going back to school coz I went to visit last week and it wasn't so bad. Some of my students still remember me - sometimes its just enough to get a smile of recognition from my autistic students, but I got a few hugs as well:) I'm starting to get a little excited because I no longer have a classroom. I'll be the rotating computer teacher! Still have to go through the programs we'll be using but I think I was a bit burned out as a classroom teacher. This is a welcomed change.

Bullet 4:
Somewhat related to #3. I'm really sad about leaving baby for 8 hours on a regular basis. I have finally established some sort of routine and now I'm afraid my dad (who thank GOODNESS will be the one to take care of L) won't do all the little things I do. I know, I have to let go. L really like his Lolo Ernie. He smiles as soon as he sees him. He'll be fine right? *Sigh*